Michelle Fryatt
Keeping the Faith
By Teri Brown
When they placed the Mrs. International crown on Michelle Fryatt's head, no one knew that at that moment she was feeling a combination of disbelief – and guilt. The 39-year-old mother of one felt incredibly grateful, but also a bit unworthy.
"I had gotten to know the other women pretty well," says Fryatt of the September 6, 2003 competition. "They were all women of quality and substance. It was hard for me to believe that they chose me."
Fryatt is too modest. Not only is she a tall, leggy blond, she is also a well-spoken CPA and a volunteer with her church. Looking at her line of successes it is hard to tell that she failed to do the one thing she knew she wanted to do: conceive.
A Perfect Match
Fryatt and her husband, Ed, a pro golfer who has played on the PGA tour, met at the behest of a friend who decided that the 5-foot, 10-inch Fryatt needed to meet someone tall. "My friend kept telling me that this guy was over 6 feet, and I really just had to meet him," she says. She consented and they have been together ever since. "I was really hesitant because he was almost eight years younger than I was, but I never laughed as hard as I did on that first date," says Fryatt.
After realizing that her husband was going to be on tour for 30 weeks a year, Fryatt quit her job to travel with Ed. "It was amazing," she says. One week I was a CPA at a desk and the next I was in China driving a golf cart. You can never tell where life is going to take you."
Coping With Infertility
A year after she and Ed were married, they decided to begin their family. With Fryatt in her early 30s, they realized they needed to get started. They tried for another precious year before seeking treatment, she says, and finally decided it was time to seek treatment through a local infertility specialist. After months of testing, she was told the problem was most likely her age and was put on several rounds of fertility drugs.
"The next step was a hysterosalpinogram to check for blocked fallopian tubes," says Fryatt. "My tubes were fine, but this procedure revealed polyps in my uterus, which meant surgery. I underwent surgery to remove the polyps and was told that perhaps this was the reason I had not yet been able to conceive. My husband and I tried again on our own for another six months after surgery – no luck."
The next step was artificial insemination or intrauterine insemination (IUI). These procedures took another year and an obscene amount of money, she says. After neither procedure worked, they were told their best bet would be to go with an egg donor. "Upon hearing this news, we decided to step back and reevaluate," says Fryatt. "I was basically ready to move on to adoption at this point, but Ed was not quite satisfied with the diagnosis or the approach of our first infertility specialist. He heard of another doctor in town who had more progressive and aggressive treatment ideas. We decided to give him a try."
After more tests and more procedures, this doctor also told her they should try an egg donor. Fryatt was devastated. "Infertility is so pervasive, it touches everything in your life," says Fryatt. "I certainly wanted to give Ed our own child, but the demands of the treatment took a toll on me, both emotionally and physically. I'm sure part of the depression was also because none of the procedures we went through yielded any hope. It seemed that with each step there was more bad news – I wasn't producing enough eggs, I tested positive for the Natural Killer Cell, my uterus was too small – the bad news never seemed to end. I found the entire process very difficult."
The Adoption Decision
Fryatt was ready to move on to adoption before Ed, and she has since learned that this is only one of many issues infertile couples encounter. One of the other struggles she faced was guilt. "I knew Ed wanted a child of his own, and I felt the reason he couldn't have one was because of me," says Fryatt. "I remember telling him once that he could leave if he wanted too. It was then that he told me that my infertility was his infertility. I will never forget that – it still makes me cry."
Ed was still hesitant about adoption when a friend called up with the name of a pregnant teenager looking for potential adoptive parents. The young mother had already turned down several couples and Fryatt was eager to meet with her.
She ran the idea by Ed, and though he was still reluctant, he didn't altogether close the door so Michelle made arrangements to meet the girl. "I knew the instant she opened the door that the baby she was carrying was meant to be ours," says Fryatt. "I showed her pictures of us and our extended families and just talked to her like I would my teenage niece – about cheerleading and school, where she wanted to go to college, things like that. When it was time to leave, the girl said, 'Well, this baby is yours if you want it.' The only issue was whether or not Ed would be ready. And since this little girl was 36 weeks pregnant, we needed to decide immediately."
Ed still wasn't sure he was ready to adopt. But curiosity took over and Ed agreed to meet the young mother later that evening. She opened the door, and inside of 10 minutes of meeting her, Ed started asking her if she would be willing to use our attorney and my doctor, says Fryatt. “When we left her, we never even discussed what we would do," she says. "He just looked at me and said, 'Well, you better get busy!' I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the Lord had worked a miracle in our lives on that day."
Ready, Set Family!
The adoption process was taxing to the Fryatts, due largely because of their tight timeline. Their birth mother was 36 weeks pregnant! This meant they had three to four weeks to get a home study completed and approved, to get her medical needs addressed and to get a nursery ready.
In addition, Fryatt felt as if she had to prove that she would be a good parent over and over because the home study process requires references, fingerprinting, a police records background check, a history of one’s driving record, a medical exam, an in-home interview, a safety inspection and more.
"I went through a little bit of 'Gosh, just because I'm infertile, doesn't mean I'm a criminal,’” says Fryatt. "I've since learned that these are very common emotions when you initially come to terms with your infertility and pursue adoption. Perhaps the most important lesson this journey through infertility and the adoption process taught me is that parenting is not a right, it is a privilege. This is a truth that I wish every parent in the world could realize."
The Fryatts’ birth mother had never been to a doctor, so they had no idea what sex the baby was or even if it was healthy. "It is funny, we couldn't agree on boys names at all, but both of us agreed immediately on a girl's name: Faith, after the Bible verse Hebrews 11:1, ‘The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen,’" says Fryatt. Their daughter, Faith, was born July 10, 2001.
Becoming Mrs. International
When Fryatt needed a platform for her Mrs. International entry, there was no hesitation whatsoever. It would be infertility and adoption. "I had so many people at the pageant come up to tell me that they had dealt with this issue or knew someone who had," says Fryatt. "We need to raise the level of awareness about infertility and let people know that they are not alone. When you are going through it, you feel as if you are the only one dealing with it. It is my mission to make a difference in the lives of those struggling with the heartbreak of infertility."
To do this Michelle is working with an organization called Resolve, a national infertility support and information center.
Faith is the joy of her parent's life. Fryatt is considering a part-time preschool at her church, as the inquisitive child loves to be with other children and has an insatiable appetite for learning. The couple is eager to adopt another child to give Faith a sibling and complete their family.
“We can't imagine our lives without her,” says Fryatt. “It is inconceivable to us that we could love a child that was ours genetically any more than we love Faith. She is, simply, our daughter.”
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